Interested in someone from a foreign land? Learn the ins and outs of dating Congolese women, from cultural values to relationship dos and don’ts. Today with business trips and study trips, we find ourselves in any country in the world far from our culture, and our habits at home, yet we might be interested in a person who does not share the same culture as us, or have different values from ours. This can’t stop us from loving him/her.

Part of dating is choosing to meet someone who is the best match for us, or someone we are interested in or like. It all depends on how you define that, it’s all relative. But in this part of Congotalks243 dedicated to Congolese culture, we will give you some key points that you should take into account when deciding to date a Congolese woman who has resided there for at least 12 years and therefore shares this relationship culture.

1. Be Clear and Straightforward

Being clear and straightforward is the golden rule for dating a Congolese woman. This means that Congolese women no matter what methods you use to conquer them, they will never chase you because Congolese culture compares it to a crime, generally, all Congolese women will never go to you to announce that they love you and that they are interested in you before you go to them first. It is already difficult for them to say yes, even when you are the one who started it. They have their way of saying yes after they find you interesting or that they like you, LOL! We are not saying that they are shy, far from it. Just be clear with your intentions, and the next part will explain how to get her hooked to win her heart or at least go out with her.

2. Be Romantic

Have you ever heard a Congolese person complimenting someone? Especially in Lingala? We assure you that you will be amazed and moved, if you know of course how to speak this national Congolese language – great, otherwise take a tour on our Youtube channel to find at least the basics to understand and speak Lingala. Congolese people are very good talkers and classy. So be cute to convince a Congolese woman, she will want you to pamper her, not only with words but with actions, you should persuade her, raise her like a queen, cajole her, etc.

If you don’t persevere, you will already be giving up from the beginning, but what they want is to feel beautiful like flowers. More attention, consideration, going out for a coffee or a pizza, a movie or a walk, usually makes them feel good and loved. They will eventually accept it, even though there may be exceptions, but that’s how it usually goes. Of course, once you are in a relationship with a Congolese woman, there are still challenges to overcome just like any other relationship, but overall, the ride will be worth it.

3. They May Not Take You To Their Family

Everything goes well with Congolese women, as we mentioned at the beginning of this article. However, the African culture or particularly the Congolese culture is very different from that of the West, so to allow yourself to date women having the Congolese culture you must have courage, because you will have to adapt to their culture. According to African parents, precisely Congolese parents, women cannot afford to go out with men without the prospect of getting married, and it is the same for men too.

This implies that Congolese women will never dare to introduce you to their family, which means that you will probably be dating, but it will be in secret or at least without the family’s knowledge. Introducing a man to the family is considered sacred and symbolic, which means that he is the man of the whole woman’s life, who will surely marry her, and the woman will not introduce anyone else to the family. So if in the future you go out with a Congolese woman, don’t get mad at her because she doesn’t introduce you to her family, or just try to manage to be serious with her, which means to consider marrying her and that she agrees too. Only then will you see her family.

In the DRC, some cultures in the country require the woman to tell her mother about the man she loves and who wants to marry her, and this for a symbolic amount or gift called VOICE OR WORD, That is to say, this will give the woman the right to tell her mother that she has met the man who is going to marry her and after consultation with the father, the mother can give the right to the girl to come with the man to the house for the said presentation. After this will then come the dowry, and the marriage. But not all women in the DRC do this, there are exceptions on the way.

4. Having A50/50 Mindset

What is called parity in the DRC, among women, exists but only in some cases. As far as dating Congolese women is concerned, keeping in mind that you are going to equally share the tasks or the responsibilities with her is a mistake. Well, it doesn’t work like that. As we have underlined a little bit above, Congolese women really appreciate it when they are cherished, when they are made to feel like queens, that they can be taken care of. In practice, this does not mean that they’re lazy, or that they will not take their side of the responsibility. It is just that in most cases, Congolese women prefer men that can lead; a Congolese woman loves the leadership of a man. It’s a way for them to feel safe, or in good hands, that they don’t have to be afraid of anything. So the story of sharing the bill for example in a restaurant is cut out, or sharing any responsibilities with them on a 50/50 basis doesn’t work in the culture.

5. Understanding Congolese Women 101: Where Did She Grow Up?

This part should probably have come first, but I was saving the best for the last. So, good thing you continued reading.

Understanding the background of a Congolese woman, especially where she was brought up, plays a pivotal role in dating her. Over all, different experiences during childhood can significantly impact a Congolese woman’s approach to dating and relationships.

Growing Up in Congo vs. Abroad

Above everything that you have learned above, the first step in understanding Congolese women’s dating preferences is to determine whether they grew up in Congo or in another country. This distinction plays a pivotal role in shaping their attitudes and expectations in the realm of romance.

Cultural Influences

Congolese women who spent their formative years in Congo are likely to have been deeply influenced by the local culture and traditions. This can affect their dating outlook in several ways:

  • Traditional Values: Women raised in Congo may hold traditional values in high regard. They may prioritize cultural practices and customs in their relationships.

  • Privacy: As mentioned earlier, dating in Congo is often a private matter until it becomes a serious commitment. Introducing a partner to the family is a significant step, reserved for more established relationships.

  • Expectations: These women may have specific expectations from their partners, shaped by their upbringing. Understanding and respecting these expectations is key to building a successful relationship.

  • Respect for Tradition: Congolese women who grew up in Congo may have a deep respect for their cultural heritage. This can manifest in various ways, including their preferences for traditional courtship rituals.

Women Raised Abroad

On the other hand, Congolese women who grew up abroad may have a different perspective on dating:

  • Blend of Cultures: They may have been exposed to a blend of Congolese and foreign cultures, leading to a more diverse outlook on dating.

  • Openness to Western Dating Norms: Women raised abroad might be more open to Western dating norms, such as public dating and quicker introductions to family.

  • Varied Expectations: Their expectations in a relationship may differ from those raised solely in Congo. They may value a balance between tradition and modernity.

Understanding these differences in upbringing is essential for anyone interested in dating a Congolese woman. It allows for better communication, respect for cultural values, and the potential to build a harmonious and fulfilling relationship.

In reality, they are wonderful women, and dating them would not be as complicated as it may sound here, but these are just some things to keep in mind based on our observations. If you want to know more about Congolese culture in general, we recommend you to follow  Instagram (@congotalks243 and @yafelie), Twitter (@congotalks243), TikTok (@yafelie and @congotalks243), Facebook (@CongoTalks243) and LinkedIn (@CongoTalks243), and subscribe to our YouTube channel.

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This article is based on the YouTube video, The Truth About Dating Congolese Women. Feel free to watch the vide version and hear Felie share her views directly with you.